Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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