what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
