oh god the rape fog is back!
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
