Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
