yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
