kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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