Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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