i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
