If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
