I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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