I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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