I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
