the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
