he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
