C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
