I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
