Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
my poor anus
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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