He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
