well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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