For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
