I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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