just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
