The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
