great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
