On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
