I wish they made helmets for livers.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
