He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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