I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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