I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
