porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
