I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I love having hate sex.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
This is the high leading the old right now
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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