For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
