I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
