You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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