I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
