i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
