I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
