I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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