now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
