Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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