Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Randomize
