It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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