Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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