this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
