I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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