so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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