you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
she told me i tasted like america
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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