i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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