if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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