Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Randomize
