I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
is wine microwaveable?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
