Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
