dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
