i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
