your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
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